I was driving. The streets were but a blurry cloud, getting in the way of my thoughts.
My eyes had no concentration on my surroundings; they were looking inside my heart. They were desperately looking, not for what I felt, but for the strength to say what my brain and heart were screaming. What I felt was evident and pronounced: Far more than the hot leather on my hands, clinging to the steering wheel: keeping me in place. More pronounced than the heavy beating of my heart trying to escape my very soul. I stopped, not even a block away, and I looked inside my eyes through the rearview mirror, asking my reflection if this was it. Asking my brain if I should, but already letting my heart know I was sorry. I had to try again. And so with a weightless chest I looked around, I had to move fast, he was leaving. I turned my car around, searching for him, ignoring the double yellow, searching for that gray. I saw it; speeding past me. My heart throbbing faster with every breath I failed to take. I turned once more, the double yellow, I’m sure was there; made no restraint on my urgency.
My whole body shaking with excitement and desperation, I couldn’t contain myself.
So there I was, feet behind that car, holding the one person I most wanted to see but had just left minutes ago. He was already late, but this was impossible to keep inside much longer, I didn’t care. I picked up my phone pressing the same button twice knowing his number would be dialed. The windows were rolled down, that heavy desert heat suffocating my lungs, yet my skin was protruding with icy chills. “Hello” that sweet voice that made my drumming heart paralyzed.
“Pull over” was all my mind could articulate.
He mumbled other things, but I wasn’t paying attention. Pull over damn it!
His car neared the sidewalk, mine followed behind. But I was quicker, everything goes blank after this, and I’m suddenly leaning into his car window. His eyes wide with amazement, and curiosity. I feel nothing, I think nothing, and for a minute I say nothing. I just look, and everything I have been thinking to this point finally makes sense, everything my body felt, everything my brain though, it all makes sense, everything is aligned. His mouth is ajar, and my hands hold on to his door, whether keeping me from falling or flying I do not know. I’m sure the road is hot, I’m sure cars are moving past us, I’m sure I look ridiculous standing on the side of the road, and I’m sure I’m risking everything tonight, breaking the rules I had once enforced. And like a ringing bell in an empty room my voice breaks the silence
“I love you”.
And there is this minute when I can only look at him, his eyes so shocked, his lips forming a smile, his hands frozen on his steering wheel. I care not for a reply, nor do I care of being hurt, it doesn’t matter; it is irrelevant to me. Yet, with the most honest of whispers, that rings louder than my own thoughts, fills the walls of my heart. “I love you too”.
Nayely Monroy - San Francisco, CA.